Holy FUCKNUGGETS! Apparently, my inner monologue is celebrating the 4th of July instead of Halloween this year. I just heard an explosion that was like what the last sound a suicide bomber might hear. I hit the deck like it was all out war, and my neighbors looked at me like I sprouted a second head for doing so. They didn't hear a thing. It happened while Moxie and I were outside and let me tell you, she’s not the only one to crap on the grass this afternoon. I gotta call a doctor. Thank goodness my primary care guy has evening hours.
Man, why couldn't it be voices like any normal crazy person?
*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series. It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction