December 19, 2013
This month has been one of many changes. I could focus on the scramble to make ends meet after losing a source of income for the foreseeable future, but money doesn't mean happiness. I'd rather focus on feelings, making memories, and stuff that lasts long after the bills are paid and the waitress has been properly tipped.
December 16, 2013
I've seen this story about being childless floating all over social media recently, and I like the story. I kinda have to, right? I mean, this is a thing and all.
December 8, 2013
Hello heartburn my old friend.
You've come to torture me again.
With the burning slowly creeping
Scalds my gullet while I'm digesting
And the pain that was burning in my gut
Banished soon, by pepto.
~Song for Spaghetti after 35
December 5, 2013
November 16, 2013
November 15, 2013
November 14, 2013
It's easy to lose sight of these things and focus on the small wrongs like your restaurant serving the "wrong" kind of soda, or the person who crept over into your lane so far that you had to lean on the horn. I don't want to forget all that I do have in light of all that I "don't". I'm grateful to have first world problems.
November 13, 2013
November 12, 2013
November 11, 2013
My two years at Dickinson taught me that I could hold my own academically. I was challenged and flourished in an accelerated environment. I met wonderful people, some of whom I credit to my self development to this day. When depression drove me to contemplate self harm in my sophomore year, I decided maybe being closer to home and all things familiar might help. So, I transferred to UNL.
My education in Lincoln was completely different, but just as important. Where in Pennsylvania I was isolated to nurture my mind, in Lincoln I was able to learn about the world. I worked 30+ hours a week, lived on my own off campus, and had a live in boyfriend. The academic requirements were undoubtedly less stringent than Dickinson, but the life lessons were no less valuable. If a college education is supposed to be well rounded, then I think I was lucky enough to have gotten one.
November 9, 2013
There are endless lessons to learn and as many different truths as there are stars in the sky. To lose track of that is to lie to oneself. I am grateful for this strange sort of mediocrity to allow me to continue to evolve and grow.
November 8, 2013
November 7, 2013
I know. I know. Those of you who have seen me stomp around the room with steam coming out of my ears, muttering under my breath, and yelling the occasional "Oooooh! That WOMAN!" might find this hard to believe. Certainly, sometimes her execution might have missed the mark and left us with bloody psyches after a row. That doesn't change the fact that I'm glad to have been exposed to my mom's spitfire personality and junk yard dog, no nonsense, pull up your panties and get it done attitude. Over time, I've grown to be more and more like that myself.
I'm also thankful for my dad's middle of the road congeniality. As a kid, we joked about calling him Mister Maybe. He's played mediator between the two forces of nature under his umbrella for more than three and a half decades. I don't envy his job, but I appreciate it all the same. I'm glad to see some of his Switzerland-like attitudes incorporated into my own personality.
First, do no harm. Second, do not cross the line first. Third, should your own borders be breached, return fire with tactical precision and anime-esque firepower. That's the combination that Nurture has given me. Thank you, mom and dad.
November 6, 2013
November 5, 2013
November 4, 2013
November 3, 2013
November 2, 2013
November 1, 2013
October 28, 2013
October 24, 2013
October 22, 2013
October 11, 2013
October 11th is National Coming Out Day. I know I've said it before, but I'm gonna say it again because it is important for people to feel safe. I am an ally. I don't give a rat's ass if you're straight, gay, lesbian, bi-curious, asexual, pansexual, genderqueer, lactose intolerant, Capricorn, or even Republican.
The exception to the above being if you're a girl who kisses girls only when booze is involved. That's a cry for attention and bugs the shit outta me. If you're gonna kiss a girl, do it because you fancy her, not because you want the star quarterback to pop a boner for you. It cheapens the emotions and sincerity of those who truly are attracted to their own gender. Knock it off. Find a different way to entice Johnny Bulge.
Those of you who find yourself somewhere other than straightsville, you have nothing to fear from me regarding accepting you for who you are. I value a person more for their substance than what gets them all tingly in the bits.
My name is Ephemily, and I am an ally.
October 4, 2013
I wouldn't recommend using goggles for chopping more than one or two small onions, but in all, it worked pretty well. I could get through the one I needed to with minimal stinging, and a heck of a selfie to go with it.
October 3, 2013
September 26, 2013
July 30, 2013
June 20, 2013
June 17, 2013
It's late, and I'm awake enough to not be able to fall right back to sleep, but loopy enough to come up with either works of creative genius, or outright drivel. I put pen to literal paper in an attempt to find out which I would get. I came up with a rework of the Christmas carol, the 12 days of Christmas. Now, I know that there were only 7 days in my rotation, but it was 2:00 AM and I wasn't going for literal.
On the 12th day of On Call, the cell phone gave to me:
12 weeks till next time,
11 different passwords,
10 Punjabi accents,
9 midnight phone calls,
8 crashing servers,
7 locked accounts,
6 kinds of malware
5 search donkeys,
4 windows bluescreens,
3 adobe updates,
2 printers jamming,
and a user who can't get logged in.
I want to sing this around the office Christmas party this year. Wanna bet how many verses it will take before I don't get any more eggnog?
(Just be glad I didn't choose this one to have an audio companion. I can't sing for shit.)
June 16, 2013
June 15, 2013
June 5, 2013
June 4, 2013
April 23, 2013
How to write a blog post/short story
April 17, 2013
April 14, 2013
April 11, 2013
It's been a few days since I've been able to spend much time with Seamus, the stray who's adopted the humans in my building. It's unseasonably cold and snowy tonight, so I took a towel and a heavy coat with me when I went out back to see if he was around and wanted some pets. I called his name as I looked around for him, hoping he'd be close enough to hear me. He was. I'd caught him napping in the garage rafters, trying to avoid the wind. He hopped down and came running to me, talking the whole way. I swear, to listen to him, you'd think he's scolding you. "Where have you been? Do you know what time it is? Dinner was supposed to be hours ago.".
April 6, 2013
Now, my car has a really fancy feature where if you push the lever to roll the windows up, it will do it with one touch. You don't have to hold it. If it senses an obstacle in the way, it will stop and reverse back to open. That's a safety feature to prevent injuries. It's a handy feature when you're driving a manual and you want to roll up your window in a hurry, but it's a pain in the ass when the sensor loses its damn mind and forgets where the end of the track is. It tends to result in the window going up, panicking, and retreating about half way back down, over and over and over.
April 5, 2013
March 28, 2013
March 27, 2013
Some of you know I keep a profile on OKCupid to have new conversations with people I wouldn't have met otherwise. I like people, and I get to talk to all sorts this way. I say VERY CLEARLY that I'm not looking for a romantic encounter. I also make sure to say that in any messaging that happens. That doesn't stop everyone from trying though. I give you the latest example:
- Kim Kardashian was married for 72 days.
- Britney Spears was married for 55 hours
- Larry King has been married 8 times.
- Newt Gingrich has been married three times and participated in extra marital sex with several mistresses.
- Rush Limbaugh got into a bit of a jam when he was detained after having an unmarked bottle of Viagra (for which he did not have a prescription) after returning home from known sex tourism hot spot, the Dominican Republic in 2006.
March 22, 2013
February 28, 2013
I wanted to tell you about the outstanding service I recieved with my last contact with one of your pharmacies. Six days ago, I had a prescription for a new antidepressant called in to the location where I generally get all of my presciptions filled. I got an email saying that the pharmacy had gotten my medication, but my insurance company wasn’t going to cover it. I could pick it up, but would be responsible for the retail price. I called to follow up and find out if there was something I needed to do. It was late in the day on Friday, and as it would happen, my insurance company required a letter from my doctor as to why I was changing medications. When I asked what I could do, I was told that I’d have to wait for the doctor and insurance companies to complete their parts. In effect, my hands were tied.
February 26, 2013
February 25, 2013
February 7, 2013
" I am getting close to the number I need, just a few more pleeeaaasssee ? For this project, I will need a short letter from each person. I would like it to be threatening in nature, as this is a forensic questioned documents research project. Please send me a threatening letter, no less than 100 words long, directed at anything from an organization to the Lego you stepped on this morning to myself. The content WILL NOT be included in the research itself (unless I ask your permission further down the road), so do not hesitate to say something that would otherwise feel incriminating or inappropriate. This can be something you feel strongly about or a made-up offense, as long as it conveys some sort of dissatisfaction and need for revenge or vengeance. Fowl [sic] language is fine and I will not be researching the meaning or content of this letter, only the physical characteristics of the text (lexical density, to be exact). I will need 40 participants, so if you know anyone else that would be willing to participate, that would be great. Thanks!"
February 6, 2013
You should message me if you're interested. Easy as that. Thing is, all I ask is that you have the ability to use whole words, and have something to say other than "Hey gurl, ur prety. Wanna bang?"
I wasn’t too particular, but I did want someone who could express themselves with words. Not just any kind of words either. I wanted whole words. Text speak drives me crazy, and not in the good, squirmy way either. I may or may not still have some of the love letters I’ve been written over the years, or that I have written to others. If I want to feel the emotions I did at the time when they were written, I’ll break them out and read them. There’s a reason that the bodice ripper genre exists. Generally speaking, women need their lovers to be in their heads, they need their brains to be engaged.
February 5, 2013
February 3, 2013
I had just begun to settle in to my rented room with my former roommate when we realized that our styles of crazy were incompatible. I’m a clutter bug and he’s an overbearing control freak. When asked if he wanted me to move out because of our differences, he said that he didn’t think it would work long term for me to live there. When I said that I understood that, but did that mean he wanted me out sooner rather than later, I got the same answer. So much for being the guy who can “tell it like it is”. In the interest of avoiding playing games and having to address passive-aggressive emails about how he couldn’t believe I’d pack up his snack food with the rest of my kitchen stuff (when in fact I’d just taken the bag into another room and forgotten to put it back. No better than what I was accused of, but if you’re gonna lay blame, lay the right blame.), I set about looking for a place the very next day.
February 1, 2013
A fellow waitress (Not the one who waited on the party of 20) thought it was ridiculous and posted it on reddit for others to enjoy as humorous. The image went unexpectedly viral, getting hundreds of thousands of views. This fine, upstanding member of the church of the poisoned pen later called the restaurant, demanding that all involved be fired for the "leak". Her note had reached the ears and eyes of her contemporaries and was besmirching her reputation.