October 26, 2012

The End Is The Beginning Is The End - The Living Wake Saga

Hey everyone, this is Thunderhead, Ephemily's boyfriend.  It is with a heavy heart that I'm writing this status update for you.  Last night Ephemily finally succumbed to the 1812 Overture that had been playing in her head the last few days.  Somewhere between 9:12 and 10:25, she suffered a massive heart attack.  We can only assume she was scared to death by an attack of her EHS after having been on edge and without sleep for the past several days.  I found her unresponsive, and rushed her to Creighton Medical Center, but doctors were unable to save her.  She was declared dead shortly after 1:00AM

I can't express how deeply saddened I am by her passing; she will be utterly missed by myself and her friends and family.  There is a little less leopard print in this world, and we are decidedly worse off for it.

We will be holding a wake for her tomorrow, Saturday, October 27th, at Vivace (1108 Howard St) starting at 6:30 PM.  Please come and visit with everyone and pay your respects as we share stories of Ephemily's (mis)adventures in life.  May she find peace at last in that great sex shop in the sky, where the lube is ever flowing and batteries never run out.

Please note, this will be the final status update I'll be able to post here.  Ephemily left behind explicit instructions regarding her computer hardware (ever the planner), and after I run this giant magnet over every hard drive in the place, I won't be able to access the page again.  Even in death, she refuses to share passwords.

Please join us Saturday evening for a celebration of her life or comment here.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

October 25, 2012

Dinner - The Living Wake Saga


I will hold it together. I will hold it together. I will hold it together. How many times do you have to say the same thing in your mind for a lie to yourself to sound like the truth? Family dinner tonight, and I don't want to worry them about this mess in my head. Gotta be on point. Man, I hope they have diet soda with extra caffeine at the restaurant.


*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Sharp Teeth - The Living Wake Saga

Have you ever tried to be polite AND helpful when you’re running on no sleep?  I haven’t gotten a full set of 40 winks under my belt in days.  I’m so frazzled that every time I hear a new explosion, it jolts me to attention and my heart races like I got caught with the neighbor boy in the back of dad’s chevy.  It’s like watching the Hunt for Red October; action sequence, lull.  Action sequence, lull.  Action sequence!  . . . Lull.  Fuck this noise, literally.  I make no promises the be able to hold my tongue today.  You hear that world?  You’ve been warned.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

October 24, 2012

Bedtime Longing - The Living Wake Saga


Since my bedroom windows leak like a sieve, I figured it's time to put the flannel sheets on the bed. Now that it's done, all I can do is stand here, staring longingly about the night's sleep I want, but know I won't get. I've been nothing but stressed and sleep deprived for what seems like forever. This wears on a person. I miss you, Mr Sandman. We had such good times together; you, me, and the boys from the car wash fundraiser.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Vapors - The Living Wake Saga

The upstairs apartment is being renovated, and there have been loads of workmen tromping through the building. Today, it was re-seal the floor day, apparently.

Fun fact; strong odors give me migraines. And my head is doing its best M80 impression. God dammit. This is torture. *Indignant fist* Cosmos, we're gonna have words as soon as the Vicodin kicks in.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

The Decline - The Living Wake Saga

Oh, what a beautiful world.  I’m not sure my day could get much worse.  It’s been silent on the cranium front all day.  Well, all day until a few moments ago when I had what sounded like a 5 car pile up happen behind my left eye socket.  I was so shocked, I yelped out a “Motherfucker!” at hockey volume.  Not only did the call center go deathly silent, but the cantankerous biddy I was talking to thought I meant that for her and immediately took offense.  Now she’s on the line with my manager and I just *know* nothing good will come of this.   I mean, Exploding Head Syndrome made me do it?  Come on.  Even *I* think that sounds like the twinkie defense.

This can’t be good for my blood pressure.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Dance Party - The Living Wake Saga

What do the noises in my head and “Party Rock Anthem” have in common?  They’re both loud, and have a beat you can dance to.  *bangs on skull*  Hey you in there!  Keep it down already.

*Disclaimer - The following posts about my health for a few days are fake - they're to set the mood for the Living Wake this weekend. Please don't take me seriously.

Morning Commute Music - The Living Wake Sage


I think I'm going to add the William Tell Overture to my morning commute music. I might be playing my theme song on the violin that is my nerves today, but I'm at least going to try and have a sense of humor about it.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Rock Me All Night Long - The Living Wake Saga

Apparently, Exploding Heads have no concept of noise ordinances.  All.  Night.  Long.  zzzzzzzz.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

October 23, 2012

Research - The Living Wake Saga

You know, when you’ve got some weird kind of thing going on that you just don’t understand, I’m pretty sure WebMD should suddenly be off limits to you.  Come to find out that SSRI withdrawal, which can cause “brain zaps” can also trigger this EHS crap.  I detoxed off Effexor years ago and went through all the pains associated with it, including the sweats and zaps.  Now my overactive imagination has me thinking that this is like an LSD flashback, only a whole lot less fun.  Fuck you SideEffexor!

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Diagnosis - The Living Wake Saga

I have always said my head was a noisy place.  I say was, because it has apparently exploded.  No, really.  That’s what the doctor said.  When I first told him what was going on, he looked at me like I had two heads.  I had to insist that I only had the one, but it was awfully noisy in there, like sudden, window shaking thunder out of the clear blue sky.  He was dubious, but pulled out his iPad (I love that they have those at Creighton.  Always on the cutting edge!) and after a few “hmmmms” and “interestings” he excused himself for a moment.  When he came back, he said he’d spoken with his colleagues, and they came up with a diagnosis.  Ladies and Gents, it should be so fitting that I have Exploding Head Syndrome.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Doctor's Visit - The Living Wake Saga

Grrr.  Forty minutes and $150 later and I’m still sitting in the waiting room.  For this, I’m going to ask for the doctor to look at every single thing that I have questions about. That’s going to be everything from these repeated batman noises *bam!* *kapow!*  *bang!* in my head to whether or not these new brown patches are age spots or cancer.  I’m getting my damn money’s worth.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

First Attack - The Living Wake Saga

Holy FUCKNUGGETS! Apparently, my inner monologue is celebrating the 4th of July instead of Halloween this year.  I just heard an explosion that was like what the last sound a suicide bomber might hear.   I hit the deck like it was all out war, and my neighbors looked at me like I sprouted a second head for doing so.  They didn't hear a thing.  It happened while Moxie and I were outside and let me tell you, she’s not the only one to crap on the grass this afternoon.  I gotta call a doctor.  Thank goodness my primary care guy has evening hours.  

Man, why couldn't it be voices like any normal crazy person?

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

It Begins - The Living Wake Saga

Ug. Rough day. I really don't feel right. So help me if Web MD tells me I'm going to die again. . . Might be a good day for an early bedtime tonight. Going home from work early, gonna walk the dog, and take some Advil to see if I can shake this.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction.

October 22, 2012

For My Birthday, I'd Like A Midlife Crisis

For easily the last 18 months, I've had this idea in my head about how I wanted to celebrate my 35th birthday.  I had this fear that my wish would go the way of my 32nd, which I wanted to be my saccharine 32 since I had a sweet 16.  Alas, time, money, and circumstance kept that from becoming a reality.  Which is really too bad.  I mean, I could have kept Deb in business with all the pseudo prom dress sales that would have come out of that.  However, celebrating my mid life crisis with a living wake seems like it's going to be a thing.

October 21, 2012

Like Mr. T, I Pity This Fool.


In case you didn't see it, this happened:

'Last Thursday was national "coming out" day. This Monday is national "disown your son" day.' 
- Ann Coulter