January 23, 2018
November 4, 2017
I used to have this fear of frailty. That I'd be "less than" because I get migraines, that I have a trainwreck of a back and neck thanks to choices in leisure activities, exacerbated by actual injury. I've got a brain that doesn't quite fire right, meaning it spins off on its own path, too fast, too dark, and too anxious. I'm a packrat, and have historically carried around extra body "just in case I came up short", which is the dumbest thing to hoard, ever. I'm well versed in pain, spending weeks a year whispering curses into ice packs, leaking pain inspired tears into pillows, and being pickled by epsom salts and opioids. Part of my identity has historically included the word, "broken" on some level. Empirical evidence and some other bullshit I'd talked myself into.
This morning, with the duvet pulled up to the tip of my frosty little nose, my logic and my emotion stood akimbo over me, and in unison said, "And?"
August 30, 2016
This morning, I took some of my own medicine. And it’s not that “for medicinal purposes only” booze I keep under the mattress either. It’s me following my own advice.
I have a high school acquaintance that is absolutely enamored with me. Those words die on my tongue because it sounds so egotistical to me. But, when this person has followed me from internet service to service over the course of a decade or more, I think that spade should be called a spade.
Here’s the thing. He’s special needs. I believe he’s on the autism spectrum with a below average intelligence. I only mention that because it seems as if my “thanks but no” talks and years of ignoring his behavior hasn’t sunk in. And I am to the point where I think it never will. I believe that social norms and cues are lost on him. It’s not that he’s awful, it’s who he is. And to expect that to change is unreasonable, but I’m also uncomfortable with all the attention. I’m also confused as to why I’m getting as much of his mental energy as I am. He’s in a long term relationship with his partner, and they seem very happy. I’m very glad for them too. However, over the years he’s found me on various social media platforms, a couple IM services. He’s even tried to get to me by pestering mutual friends of ours about where I am and what I’m doing. It got to the point where myself and another friend stopped using Yahoo chat because he wouldn’t leave either of us alone. He’s never been threatening. I don’t particularly fear him. He’s just. . . Well, if he had his druthers he’d be around me all the time.
What finally did it was this morning. Weeks, if not months ago, he’d sent a request to reconnect that I had declined. I woke up to his comment on an item with public visibility. It wasn’t out of line. It wasn’t vulgar. The only think overtly wrong was he used “your” instead of “you’re”. What stuck in my craw was his need to be present as much as he can. And it’s starting to feel like he’d gather up all the hair I cut off at the salon and sniff it. It’s getting creepy.
I didn’t think to block him immediately. I was initially just annoyed. I mean, he’s harmless, right? Why use the nuclear option? Then I heard myself in my own head, telling anyone else who found themselves in this situation that it’s not ok. That you shouldn’t have to worry about them popping up and making you uncomfortable like that. It’s not acceptable behavior and you shouldn’t have any guilt about doing what you can to prevent finding yourself a target of unwanted and unreciprocated attention. So, I pulled up my big girl panties and clicked block. I’m not joyous about it. I’m not playing “Ding dong, the witch is dead” on repeat. I’m keeping it quiet today so I can listen to that little voice in my head that is saying, “You done good, kid. Way to take your own advice.”.
August 7, 2016
May 29, 2016
May 16, 2016
Last weekend was not exactly a replay, but it paid an homage. The part of town that Thunderhead and I bought our house in has been around a very long time. The house itself is 91 years old, and a grand old gal at that. This last Saturday was the 57th annual neighborhood parade, and it marched within feet of our front door. I was a little late to the spot we'd picked out in the shade to see it, but word was there was a small dog just prancing along with the motorcycle cops that started the procession.
May 6, 2016
So, we set about calling for estimates on basement and mudjacking options. Most are what you'd expect. A phone call, a visit, and an estimate in the mail or email. One or two followed up a few weeks later. None of them seemed to be afraid to let you shop around. It's passive, and it let's the almighty dollar speak. For those seeking the lowest cost and hoping the quality doesn't suffer for it, this is a viable option. What I need to be sold it to know the science and process. I need to know what my money will be going towards and that it makes sense for me to purchase now and in the future.
I can say that within minutes of sitting around the dining room table with a very popular basement solutions company, I was both fascinated with their processes and put off by their blatant high pressure sales tactics. Their science seems sound. They can take a dank basement and turn it into a wonderland of dry useable space. At a cost.
May 5, 2016
If you haven't gone through the list of free comics for 2016 yet, here's your chance. They can be found here on the FCBD official website.
If you're looking to make the best of any sales your local store might be having, I want to offer a few titles that might be worth your time.
February 7, 2016
November 26, 2015
But mostly, I'm also thankful for a new job that has, without hyperbole, changed my life for the better. I'm thankful to have the sort of life that allows for first world problems. I'm thankful for the death of green eye'd dragons so as to allow me to live within my means. I'm thankful for patience, tolerance, humility, and the knowledge of when to set them aside. I'm thankful for 2 minutes to midnight conversations, because they for allow nights on the couch, alone together. I'm thankful for low maintenance friends, and the texture of life translating into wisdom to share. I'm happy to be driven crazy, because we usually get there by way of the scenic route. I'm thankful to be asked "Do you hate them?" and being able to answer, "No. If anything, I'm sad for both of us.". I am thankful that this year has thus far, been monumental and tedious. But mostly, I'm thankful for all the reasons and the ways I can do and be so much more than this.