The Practical Mini

It’s Dec 16th, 2012, and there’s snow falling outside.  Not enough to have to shovel, or to even really stick yet, but the city noise is dampened, and kids out there have their hopes for a white Christmas renewed.  I figured, there’s no better time to go over why I have a Mini Cooper as my daily driver than when people are going to start considering it a foolish choice.

Week of Epic Proportions

The second to last week of October 2010 managed to cram a whole lot of stories into 7 short days.  On the 23rd, my short but intense relationship with Flyboy came to an end when he packed up the stuff I had left at his apartment, delivered them to my house, and told me that he didn’t see me in his life a year from now, much less next month.  I spent that evening in an “is that your bellybutton?” shirt, enjoying a drink or two with some ladies that are dear to me.  By Monday, I was more or less ok.  I’d come to the conclusion that since he was the first thing I could call a relationship I’d had since I’d opted for divorce, that I had been nearly ready to say I love you to the feeling I had around him, not the boy himself.

Which was good, because nobody likes a mopey birthday girl.  I ushered in the big three three two days after being dumped, and without the “bag of shit with penises on it” I had been threatened with if I didn’t tell Flyboy what I wanted.  (He was under the impression that I was only telling him what he wanted to hear when I said I didn’t have anything I wanted or needed, that if he got me something, it would be a pleasant surprise and not a necessity.  Really, I had a 3 bedroom house stuffed to the gills at the time.  I didn’t need anything else and didn’t give a damn about his paycheck.)  I can’t remember what I did to celebrate.  I’m not sure if that means I didn’t do anything, or I just had so much to drink that I blacked out.  Either way, it was the perfect setup for Tuesday when the legal system gave me the best birthday present ever.

The End Is The Beginning Is The End - The Living Wake Saga

Hey everyone, this is Thunderhead, Ephemily's boyfriend.  It is with a heavy heart that I'm writing this status update for you.  Last night Ephemily finally succumbed to the 1812 Overture that had been playing in her head the last few days.  Somewhere between 9:12 and 10:25, she suffered a massive heart attack.  We can only assume she was scared to death by an attack of her EHS after having been on edge and without sleep for the past several days.  I found her unresponsive, and rushed her to Creighton Medical Center, but doctors were unable to save her.  She was declared dead shortly after 1:00AM

I can't express how deeply saddened I am by her passing; she will be utterly missed by myself and her friends and family.  There is a little less leopard print in this world, and we are decidedly worse off for it.

We will be holding a wake for her tomorrow, Saturday, October 27th, at Vivace (1108 Howard St) starting at 6:30 PM.  Please come and visit with everyone and pay your respects as we share stories of Ephemily's (mis)adventures in life.  May she find peace at last in that great sex shop in the sky, where the lube is ever flowing and batteries never run out.

Please note, this will be the final status update I'll be able to post here.  Ephemily left behind explicit instructions regarding her computer hardware (ever the planner), and after I run this giant magnet over every hard drive in the place, I won't be able to access the page again.  Even in death, she refuses to share passwords.

Please join us Saturday evening for a celebration of her life or comment here.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Dinner - The Living Wake Saga

I will hold it together. I will hold it together. I will hold it together. How many times do you have to say the same thing in your mind for a lie to yourself to sound like the truth? Family dinner tonight, and I don't want to worry them about this mess in my head. Gotta be on point. Man, I hope they have diet soda with extra caffeine at the restaurant.


*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Sharp Teeth - The Living Wake Saga

Have you ever tried to be polite AND helpful when you’re running on no sleep?  I haven’t gotten a full set of 40 winks under my belt in days.  I’m so frazzled that every time I hear a new explosion, it jolts me to attention and my heart races like I got caught with the neighbor boy in the back of dad’s chevy.  It’s like watching the Hunt for Red October; action sequence, lull.  Action sequence, lull.  Action sequence!  . . . Lull.  Fuck this noise, literally.  I make no promises the be able to hold my tongue today.  You hear that world?  You’ve been warned.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Bedtime Longing - The Living Wake Saga

Since my bedroom windows leak like a sieve, I figured it's time to put the flannel sheets on the bed. Now that it's done, all I can do is stand here, staring longingly about the night's sleep I want, but know I won't get. I've been nothing but stressed and sleep deprived for what seems like forever. This wears on a person. I miss you, Mr Sandman. We had such good times together; you, me, and the boys from the car wash fundraiser.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Vapors - The Living Wake Saga

The upstairs apartment is being renovated, and there have been loads of workmen tromping through the building. Today, it was re-seal the floor day, apparently.

Fun fact; strong odors give me migraines. And my head is doing its best M80 impression. God dammit. This is torture. *Indignant fist* Cosmos, we're gonna have words as soon as the Vicodin kicks in.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

The Decline - The Living Wake Saga

Oh, what a beautiful world.  I’m not sure my day could get much worse.  It’s been silent on the cranium front all day.  Well, all day until a few moments ago when I had what sounded like a 5 car pile up happen behind my left eye socket.  I was so shocked, I yelped out a “Motherfucker!” at hockey volume.  Not only did the call center go deathly silent, but the cantankerous biddy I was talking to thought I meant that for her and immediately took offense.  Now she’s on the line with my manager and I just *know* nothing good will come of this.   I mean, Exploding Head Syndrome made me do it?  Come on.  Even *I* think that sounds like the twinkie defense.

This can’t be good for my blood pressure.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction

Dance Party - The Living Wake Saga

What do the noises in my head and “Party Rock Anthem” have in common?  They’re both loud, and have a beat you can dance to.  *bangs on skull*  Hey you in there!  Keep it down already.

*Disclaimer - The following posts about my health for a few days are fake - they're to set the mood for the Living Wake this weekend. Please don't take me seriously.

Morning Commute Music - The Living Wake Sage

I think I'm going to add the William Tell Overture to my morning commute music. I might be playing my theme song on the violin that is my nerves today, but I'm at least going to try and have a sense of humor about it.

*Disclaimer - This post is part of a series.  It is meant to build up to my party for my 35th birthday and is a work of fiction