March 9, 2015

While My Uterus Gently Weeps

I said I wasn't going to do this anymore.  I am a filthy liar.  It wasn't the overtures so much.  "U horny" hardly offends me.  If anything, it pales in comparison to some of the more colorful compliments I've been paid; better blowjobs than gay men, a machine, and provider of the most in-person orgasms in a 6 hour period.  To these, I say "Damn straight".  What got me involved at all was boredom, and claws that hadn't been filed in a while.  A lack of chocolate to pacify the raging red dot in my pants might also have played a bit part.

Without further ado, I give you the latest product of the American educational system trying to get laid.

March 1, 2015

Taxes, Discounts, and Black Sheep Jews

Our conversation started with, "You know, if you have a bunch of these to mail, you can save a dollar on each of them if the address windows are landscape instead of portrait."

I ventured out to mail my tax documents to my accountant, and due to the hour, found myself at a grocery store with a postal substation.  Yes, he's in the same city, and yes, I'm using the postal service instead of dropping them off.  Time, space, speed limits, and laws of physics make it hard to do it otherwise.