January 30, 2014

Misery, Seeks Same

I got this wild hair to write a dating site profile for jealousy in human form.  This is what I came up with.  Come to think of it, I think I may have met this girl.


Self Summary
I hate these things.  I never know what to say.  But, here goes!  My name is Celia, and I'm the human embodiment of jealousy.  I'm the kind of girl that everybody knows about, but nobody ever really takes the time to get to know me.  I want to change that.  I'm really not the monster they think I am, honest!  LOL!
What I'm doing with my life
I don't have a life.  LOL!  No, really.  I'm a construct.  I've been around, alot.  (call me boys!)  Mostly, I spend my time causing trouble.  YOLO!

I'm really good at
I'm really good at starting fights, making you feel inferior, and convincing you that you're way too fat to get a date.

The first thing people usually notice about me
My emerald green eyes.

My favorite movies, tv, books, and music
I love LOVE fatal attraction and I know what you did last summer, 1-14.  Oh!  and I can’t forget Cruel intentions and Heathers.
I’m all about Gossip Girl and The Hills, and Ugly Betty.
I think Adele and Alanis Morisette are the greatest thing to happen to music since mix tapes recorded off the radio.

I could never do without this stuff
Reality TV, Facebook, love songs, and a fast metabolism so I can eat anything I want and not gain weight.

I spend alot of time thinking about
I think about hitting on other girls’ boyfriends, sucking up to the boss, driving my convertible down the street real slow, and who’s going to buy me the most free drinks.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit
I don’t really want your boyfriend.  I just want to see how mad I can make you in public.  Lol!
I'm looking for
My dream is to meet Mister right.  He’ll be tall, muscular, and be practically crippled by self doubt and emotional insecurity.  If other people give your life meaning over your own accomplishments, or your nose needs to be deeper into other people’s business than Ron Jeremy’s cock in some starlett’s taint, then you might be my ideal man!
You should message me if
If you like emotional rollercoasters!  LMAO!  If you’re a Buddhist, keep on walkin’.  You guys are no fun.

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