April 5, 2013

Plastered of Poop-us


Ladies, turns out the looks you're giving me are as dirty as the towels you want me to "prep" for the next guy.  It's true.  We have these touchless paper towel dispensers in the bathrooms at work, and I generally opt not to advance the next allotment when I'm done with my own.  Why, you ask?  What's the harm?  Well, nothing, really.  Nothing other than a little poop on your hands.


I'm a bit of an information junkie.  I've been known to partake of the occasional Mythbuster's episode.  One of which covered whether or not your toothbrush contained any fecal matter due to it being left uncovered in the bathroom when you flush the toilet.  The answer was yes.  When you flush the toilet, a small amount of the contents become aerosolized and are deposited on the surfaces in the bathroom.  However, it should also be mentioned that the Mythbusters' test lab found fecal matter on the control toothbrushes that were kept away from the restroom.  So, the nightmarish truth is that there's poo everywhere.

Now, I know that we're talking about trace amounts here.  Save your hate mail for a more worthy target.  My point is, it's poop.  On the towels you were going to use on your shiny, clean hands.  It takes nothing, not even a touch to advance the paper.  I'm not being lazy.  I'm not being rude.  I'm not even being discourteous.  I'm saving you from wiping your hands with the products of other people's asses.  I'll see you your stink eye, and raise you a brown one.  You're welcome.

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