March 27, 2013

Do I Look Like A Goat?

Do I look like a goat?  Because I sure as hell feed the trolls.  It's been a week of weirdos, and I'm beginning to wonder what phase of the moon we're in, or what Mercury is up to.

Some of you know I keep a profile on OKCupid to have new conversations with people I wouldn't have met otherwise.  I like people, and I get to talk to all sorts this way.  I say VERY CLEARLY that I'm not looking for a romantic encounter.  I also make sure to say that in any messaging that happens.  That doesn't stop everyone from trying though.  I give you the latest example:



This is the entire exchange between myself and the scholar of the year.  His messages are in red.  Mine are in blue.  

·  dont just look baby 

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:16pm
Um, I've been logged in to the site for less than 2 minutes. I was hoping to get a chance to look at your profile before I replied. Having never taken a speed reading course, it takes me more than that amount of time to make it through your profile. Hold your horses.
·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:18pm
awe lol you r sweet. well i saw ur pro and the first thing i notice was ur pick tails. makes u cute but doesnt hide the woman wearing them.

Mar 27, 2013 – 6:26pm
Heh. Consider them a misdirection. You never expect a verbal towel snap from a woman in pigtails.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:30pm
and u never thought an older man didnt have some snap in him did u

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:32pm
No, that's not my line of thinking. I'm finding that age doesn't necessarily slow a person down. It gives them more ammunition.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:34pm
so u know my secret. shame on u and u better not tell. so be honest with me and tell me what u looking for on here
·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:40pm
Well, mostly new conversation. I'm happily seeing someone, so I'm not looking for new romantic encounters. I'm a moderator, so I kept my account open for that reason. I genuinely like people, and I can talk to all sorts on here.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:41pm
ok i can understand that. do u ever get involved sexually with someone
·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:43pm
If you're asking if I swing, or if I'm into a little something on the side, no. I'm not. I'm a one at a time kind of girl. But, there's a reason that my beau has lost 40 lbs since we met. I'll give you a hint, he didn't join a gym.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:51pm
so u satisfied sexually

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:53pm
Very.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 6:54pm
no one is ever truely satisfied god i would grab ur tails and ride u hard
·  Mar 27, 2013 – 7:01pm
Did you miss the part in one of my last messages that said I was a moderator? I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I'm not interested.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 7:04pm
ok bye
unless u can hook me up
·  Mar 27, 2013 – 7:07pm
I'm generally not in the business of being an internet Madame. Good luck in your search.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 7:16pm
bye bitch

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 7:20pm
Fare thee well, transparent sleazeball with the spelling skills of a 6th grader and diction of a gangbanger. I look forward to seeing who's reported you for what sort of harassment later.

·  Mar 27, 2013 – 7:26pm
lol u r very cute. but my skills are way above understanding. so here. it is better to have loved and lost than to have loved not at all. so fare thee well to u and i do hope u grow up some. to bad ur smarts does not match ur beauty adios
·  Mar 27, 2013 – 7:37pm
This is rich. I. . . I just can't help myself. I must know. Please tell me, what skills might those be? Encoding all of you communications within illegible attempts at words? Able to leap across boundaries in a single message?

Let me just help you out here.

"You are very cute"
"So, fare thee well to you and I do hope you grow up some. Too bad your smarts do not match your beauty. Adios."

There, now you can turn that in to the school I'll take you to.

You can talk about my beauty all you want. I don't particularly care. You're trying to hurt me in ways that would work with most women. It's adorable. And if these are the skills that you're talking about, I think it's time to hone them (that means sharpen, FYI) a little more before you leave the AAA dugout. In the big leagues, it's wise to have a deeper bullpen than what you've got. (That means your game sucks.)

A for effort on trying to belittle me. Really. You wanted to go for the jugular. And that works for people who don't really know who they are. Thing is, I do. I know what I'm worth. I also know that you've changed from an annoyance to a sort of cat toy. I've reported your behavior. It's uncouth. (I'll let you look that up yourself.) I think I shall also block you.

Best of luck trolling the section 8 housing for women you can impress with your skills.


I realize I let this guy show up with a paper mache sword to a gun fight.  But, I just can't stop myself sometimes.  Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I'm going to go make up for it by donating blood to pygmy rocks or cook dinner for elderly dairy cows or something.  I'm putting the keyboard down and walking away slowly with my hands in the air.  Promise.


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