December 19, 2012

Tech Support Yoga

I think I’ve had one.  One of those million dollar ideas.  I’ve got a line on the next zumba or px90 weight loss craze that will sweep the deskbound wage slave culture like Paul Bunyan cleaning up his wood shop.  The idea came to me as I was watching the motions of my fellow tech as he was taking on of *those* calls.  You know, the kind where you have to *sound* like you’re perfectly calm and collected, even after you’ve told someone how to resolve their problem 6 times already, and they’re still rambling on about the sweaters they knit for their cat last night, or complaining that their background is full of polka dots when they called to report their printer was eating paper like it was constipated and needed the fiber.  

His routine was very thorough.  I mean, it worked his facial muscles, all the way to the core.  He warmed up with the “Popeye smirk”, which requires a person to use their lips to do their best impression of a cat anus, and then push it off to one side of their face for a count of 10.  I watched him do three reps of the “Why, lord?  Why?!” stretch when he thrust his hands in the air and dropped his head to his shoulders with a slight slant to the left.  He then did a set of enthusiastic headdesks, followed by a deep “I want to be drunk on umbrella drinks on a deserted island” back bend over his chair.  He wrapped up his routine with a slow “some people shouldn’t be allowed around electronics” head roll, and a relaxing “count the dots in the acoustical ceiling tile to keep from saying what I really want to” cool down.

All we need is some average Joes in business casual to help us make the videos and a time slot on QVC, and we’re gonna be rich!  

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