September 19, 2012

Tips from the Rubber Dick Store

Tell me you didn't have a similar thought.
The day after Christmas in 2011, The Samurai of Spoken Word had their first ever show at the Pizza Shoppe in Benson.  Since that day, we've grown an awful lot as a troupe.  We've had people audition who've made it, a few we've had to say we need more out of them, and some who've sadly, left our ranks.  However, one thing that's become almost a ritual for us is to visit the hilariously nicknamed "Rubber Dick Store" after every show.


I'm not quite sure if they're horrified or excited to see a group of about 15 people tromp into the place on a Monday night.  Regardless, where else are you going to hear my Ephemily outside voice blurt out "Jeebus, that's the lawn dart of butt plugs!"?

There's something to be said for handing your phone to someone who's had one too many to get a clear shot of the shenanigans that happened next.  Suffice to say, the red ruffled panties totally clashed with the pink in the Foamy the Squirrel shirt.

. . .

On that same trip, I couldn't help but giggle to realize that the emergency exit in the rear of the store it smack dab in the middle of the gay porn section.  Heh heh.  Back door.  Because of the butt sex.

Oh come on now.  That's funny!


Alright, alright.  I had a point to make originally.  Let's get back to that.

The last time I found myself in the porn store, it was during the Virgo Birthday party celebration over the weekend.  One of my friends was saying how she'd love to work there, and that she had an interview the very next day!  So, we walked around, and she's mentioning all the products she likes, and I'm doing the same.

To be fair, it was pretty much two vibrator aficionados trying to impress each other with our knowledge.  We were talking about how powerful one of the display vibrators was (the body wand, for those curious folk among you) when she put it in her hand and turned it on.  She said something to the effect of "Wow, this is something else!".  I said that if she really wanted to get a sense of what it could do, she should put it on the tip of her nose.  Having never heard about that trick before, she turned it up to max (since her fingers weren't phased by it) and touched it to the tip of her sniffer.  Not a microsecond later, she's yanking it away and making a face like "Holy shit!  What was THAT?!".

You see, the tip of the schnoz has a very similar number of nerve endings as the clitoris.  The best part is you can test out a toy in the store without running the risk of getting kicked out, or violating the "you soil it, you own it" policy. 

If your store doesn't have a display model, most quality stores will put batteries in your purchase before you leave, just to make sure that it works.  When they do, pay attention to the switch mechanism.  I've found a few toys that have a spot in their range that is kinda touchy. Also, that's a great time to give the tip of the nose thing a try.  You might be surprised!


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