April 23, 2012

Shoulda Stuck With Tori Amos

For my freshman and and sophomore year of college, I went to school at Dickinson College, a school with an enrollment of just under 2500 students. Nestled in the Cumberland valley of the Susquehanna river, the town of Carlisle boasts a population in the neighborhood of 19,200.  While there, I had some adventures, including starting the school's first Japanese Anime club, trying out for the improv troupe (with the proposed name of Hayseed.) and hosting my very own radio show.

Oh, it's not as awesome as it sounds.  First of all, let me remind you of the town's size.  Second, I'm pretty sure the only people who listened were other students, and inmates at the county lockup, since they were the only people to ever call in, and only to request more White Snake.  I called my 2 hour time slot the "I broke it" show.  My orientation was a whopping 15 minutes of "Here's the CDs we have if you want to use them.  Bring your own if you want.  Here's the tape deck, the CD player, and the turntable.  Oh, the mic is here.  Talk into this end.".  And that's about as in depth as it got.  Not a word was spoken about switching mediums, FCC guidelines, or what to do if the phone rang.  So, as you would expect, often times, the show had some rough spots and dead air.  See, it was the perfect name!

Now, this was college in the 90s, so there were a few staples for any kid with a microphone and some time to kill.  Tori Amos being one of them.  Then there was Ani Defranco, Soul Coughing, Blind Melon, R.E.M, and Stabbing Westwards.  Yup.  I played them all.  However, there was a day when I was just feeling spunky.  I was in a troublemaking mood, so I decided I wanted to revisit all the awful music from the previous ten years.

I remember, I took a call from a friend of mine who was listening.  They were giving me a hard time about my choice in songs.  I think it was something along the lines of "OK, now I understand the purpose of this hour is to highlight how awful music can get, but seriously?  Buffalo Stance?  We're no longer friends.".  Forgetting that more than just three people (myself, my friend, and the heroin addict at the jail asking for my number and some hair metal every week) can hear me, we banter back and forth.  Eventually, my friend says something that makes me laugh so hard that I have no rebuttal.  Through a belly laugh, I spit out "Oooooh, fuck yuh....ooooh.".

Midway through "you" I realize what I've done.  I've said one of the words that the FCC tends to frown on.  And their frown usually comes with a fine.  (I don't understand why they call it a fine.  I mean, that many zeros and it's anything but!)  Horrified, and imagining the call I'm going to have to make to my folks, asking for bail money and legal fees, I mumble something about the next song, and hit play.

No joke, this is the song I had cued up.

Honestly folks, I can't make this shit up.  I'm not that creative.

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