March 16, 2012

Stick It In A Plump One

You know, after talking with a friend of mine who's not only found himself in the bed of many a stripper, but professed his envy of my creative sex life, it occurred to me that if you wanna get laid right, you gotta fuck a plump girl.  I don't advocate this because I am one.  I advocate it because I think we're better in bed.  Here's why.

America is body obsessed.  Trust me, we know what we look like naked.  That means we're not going to panic that you can see that one miniscule imperfection if the lights are on, or it's the middle of the day on Tuesday.   We know, and we're gonna fuck you, throw our ankles over your shoulders, press back into that doggy thrust, grab a handful of skin, fuck you anyway.

Ladies with a little extra are less likely to be stereotyped as sex-obsessed, so we blend in to the population better.  Talking your lady into wearing either that sexy underwear, or even nothing at all under her clothes out in public just might be easier if you can convince her that nobody will suspect her.  People think it's the hot blonde, when in reality, it's the zaftig redhead with vibrating panties and a boyfriend with the remote. 

Ladies of size have something to grab on to.  We're soft.  We're warm.  We jiggle when we walk, and our bodies are full of wonder.  They have beautiful nooks and crannies that need to be explored.  Having that extra flesh gives you not only that satisfactory sound of a slap on the ass, but the added bonus of the warm backside, bending to your strike.

True to the stereotype, we're hungry.  A round girl doesn't order a salad at dinner because she doesn't have an adversarial relationship with food.  She doesn't care if she's judged for liking it either.  That appetite and that lack of shame isn't limited to the dinner table. Convince a thick girl you think she's sexy and eventually you'll find her inner ravenous pallet of lust.  Much like her asking "You gonna eat that?" when you've got something left on your plate, she's likely to come back for seconds in the bedroom too.  We indulge because we like it.  Svelte women count calories and keep tabs on what they owe under the sheets.  The voluptuous women of the world indulge because they want to, and nothing tells them they can't.

You spend the night with a girl who has stretch marks because she feels good.  Because you love how her voice drops a register when she moans and tells you not to fucking stop.  Because she knows she's what's making your toes curl, not the fact that she might be your 10 for your bedroom bingo. 

Not being thin means there's no pressure to conform, to be like everybody else.  That lets us have the freedom thin women do when it comes to shopping.  They get the pick of the items on the sale racks, we get the pick of the partners who want something more than missionary with the lights out.  Plus sized girls are bigger, and I mean that in every way.  Our voices, our personalities, our appetites.  I don't have the personality to be a stick, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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