So, The Beau has a trip planned this weekend to go back to the homestead and scatter his dad’s ashes. His whole family, or the majority of it, is planning on being there. For reasons too stupid to mention, his kids won’t be able to go with him as he’d planned, so he extended the offer to join him on a roadtrip to me. After that instant where “Wait, what? Me? Meet the *entire* family? We’re to that point already? Oh lord, this won’t end well. Somebody better watch the news. How much is in the bail fund?” all collided in my head like a small thermonuclear device, I decided this was the one thing a day that scares me that I’m going to say yes to.
March, 2012, I’m 34 years old, and this is the first time I’ve been in
the situation where I’m going to meet the parents of the person I’m
dating where they didn’t live in the same town. As a matter of fact,
they live in a small town out in western Nebraska that’s a little more
than a half mile in area and has a population of 523. According to the
census, it’s a village. I don’t know about you, but that word doesn’t
exactly conjure indoor plumbing and silverware. Ok, I’m exaggerating,
but the smallest town I have ever been in for any amount of time was Carlisle, PA, and that made me a little claustrophobic. It’s at least a borough!
The Beau tells me that I damn well better not pull any punches, and he
wants me to be exactly who I am because he cares for me and not for the
people in the town. Good answer. Don’t get me wrong, it’s reassuring
to hear. However, I know the power of my reality distortion field. I
can only imagine what mischief it will stir up when the population is
much less dense. I really hope that’s not like hooking it up to an
amplifier. I mean, I’ve seen The Lost Room. I know what happens when you get too much weirdness in one place.
recap. I’m loud, opinionated, not exactly the picture of femininity, I
have two tone hair, look like I was painted on the front of a WWII
bomber (after the model ate a few ho-hos) and drive a yellow MINI cooper.
I don’t exactly blend in to the background, even in a city of close to
a million. Drop me into small town farming community and, well. Have
you seen To Wong Foo?
You know that town they break down in? That was actually shot in
Nebraska. So you’re aware. Buy your popcorn now, folks. This weekend
could easily be one for the ages.