December 29, 2011

Untitled - Late 90s

almost as if i expect it
hours before
i ready
as if i were going to be presented to royalty
though it’s only queens
i ready
make myself small
and quiet
so i can hide in my corner of the round table
and not stir up any sediment hormones
making it easy for them
the clitoris piranhas
who’d skeletonize my protest
so i’m too weak to stand
wiggle wiggle
laugh and point
the lone face
who’s red with shame and anger
those boys who’ll grow up to be sex-starved men
by their choice or ours
the women
but i dread
treading lightly
chewing silently
bowing my head so thy can’t meet my eyes
they with their jokes as stale as 3 day old cum
drawing my aura in as tight as a quilt
the real life incredible shrinking woman
who could, but doesn’t
who sits and takes it
for being a girl

boys who grow up to be boys
who’s hand me downs are only clothes
who don’t shed their piggie-tail yanking and circle-jerks
like foreskin
who are dirty
and nervous
who laugh to hide their shaking hands
for a woman
who takes offense inside her
ad lets it be
we all will take it in
forget to reject

shining strobe disk
an excuse to look at a girl and watch her breast
follow follow
little lemming lovers
over to where men who think like you pool
for money or sex
fall fall
over self-made
paper-mache cliffs
rocky jagged loneliness below
and ambient mood-music the crash of empty surf
the tears that fall
from the end of their penisi

i yell and i scream
and only my parrot echo responds
repeating the words once more
before they drop for the beak
with a wet thud on the ground

at them
at them!
my words tumble and slosh like a waterfall
that pours over the table
from where i was standing
up in front of my chair
and the cold words, like arctic water
defeats me
as if any woman would sell their sex
for on night with one of them

men are boasters
and the louder they scream it
the less those who fall beneath them will
oh the trumpet sounds
the braggarts and the betters
rape me with your threats
make me eat your words
force me grasp your concept
because i am weaker
and i have a place for you
and round nubs
to catch your teenage first-time balance with

you are so dry and crooked
to only like what you can win
try me
will you stand for me
when i fight back
was it the weaker side that made your blood rush?
will you joke and grab
after i back up my no
with blood on my hands

In reading this, I almost believe that it sounds like living in the shadow of sexual assault.  While I have never been raped, it's as if I had a victim in my head when this was written.  Also, I'd like to note that I didn't grow up to be a man hater.  I swear.

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