Age is different than maturity. Nothing proves this more than the last Near Miss with a younger man. Let me set the stage. I'm mid 30s. This guy was 26. He asked if I'd be interested in a younger man, and I told him that's what I prefer. We talk back and forth a little. It's a weekend, so we're both on and offline all day. We'd been talking about movies, because you know, it's a pretty safe topic. He told me that I should come over and we could watch a movie. He might even "throw in something extra" for me. I told him that I have rules. I won't meet someone for the first time at their house, it has to be somewhere public. It's a safety thing for both people. That way, either person has an out should they decide they'd made a mistake. His comeback? "I have the kids here (He had 5 year old twins) so I can't do anything too crazy. (Obviously, he hasn't spent the time watching Discovery ID like I have. Truly sick people don't care if there's a kid in the house or not. Not that I want to believe he is, but my rules are there for a reason.)
My insistence on meeting in public and actually having plans for the night already finally got him to quit badgering me about meeting at his house the same day. We did agree to meet at a park and feed the ducks the next day. I hadn't traded phone numbers with the guy, so all I had was his dating site email. I sent him a message as I was leaving the house at 12:15. "OK, I'm headed out to run my errand first. I'll see you at 1:00." To which, I got a one word message: "1:30." ... I have two problems with this. First, you don't change the time with less than 45 minutes until you're supposed to meet. Second, if you have to, you don't just tell someone. You ask. It's an imposition to the other person, especially if they've already left the house and budgeted for time.
Maybe 20 minutes after I get that message, I get another one saying that if I don't reply, then he'll try to be there closer to 1:00. Um. Wow. What's the use of planning if our schedules don't mean anything? At this point, I'm sitting in a drive-through, getting my lunch, and my gut is telling me to just cut bait. Between the list of potential dealbreakers we'd already talked about, and his flakiness the day of, my self preservation is telling me this is a waste of time. So, I did something I never do, I just didn't go. I didn't write, I didn't offer an explanation. I just got my errand done that I needed to do anyway, and went on with my life. I felt guilty for about 10 minutes, but the sun didn't crash into the sea, thunder didn't rip the heavens apart, and my phone didn't blow up with angry, hateful messages.
I did, however, get one. Apparently, my indecisive date waited for over 2 hours for me. He told me how much it sucked, and then disabled his account.* Ok. Easy enough. I wasn't going to worry about this too much. Now I don't have to at all. Thanks for making that easy for me.
I thought that was that.
Friday, I think it was, I got another message from the guy. He'd apparently re-enabled his account and was ready to talk to me. The message he sent was "You owe me a walk around the duck pond.". Owe is a pretty strong word, and not one that sits well with me. We haven't even met, you have no reason to expect me to do as you tell me to. Hell, even people I'm close with don't even get that out of me. Way to start off on the wrong foot again! So, I logged out without responding. Not 10 minutes later, I get another message. This one saying "Can I at least get a reply?".
Fine. Apparently, I'm going to have to actually use my words. It's usually easier on someone's ego if I don't. But, I'm not afriad of it. So, in reply, I sent the following:
"I'm starting to think you're a little too needy for my tastes. Nothing personal, I know there are plenty of women who would love the attention. But, to me, it's a little much. I wish you luck on your search for Ms. Right, but I don't think it's going to be me."
There. All done. No name calling, but my intentions to have him leave me alone are pretty clear. No harm, no foul, but this isn't going to even get a chance to go bad. Move on. I thought it was over. Because, you know, adults can acknowledge the situation and move on without embarrassing themselves. Again. Oh, how wrong I was.
I get this message about 20 minutes later. I have pasted it verbatim, so the tone, spelling, and ego can permeate through and convey exactly what he intended.
"I'm looking for a miss right now but thats fine. Im by far the hottest male on this site and u won't do better then me. LOL for serious. All the guys here are jock strap meat head frat boy wannabe bro fags so its your loss. I'm sexy, smart, the most popular guy in our city, i have a nice ;) ....... well u know. I'm older with a youthful appearance. LOL so fail on your part. I don't get this whole needy thing. Because i'm joking around about u contacting me. Its not like I'm all over u OH BABY OH BABY I LOVE U SOOOO MUCH AND I NEED U I CANT BREATH WITH OUT U. I asked u for a walk around the duck pond, like jesus fucking christ. How is that needy? "
*sigh* To all of you whom I have met that are decidedly not "jock strap meat head frat boy wannabe bro fags", I want to apologize that this kid is giving you a bad name. To all of you whom I have yet to meet, ego is good. Ego is healthy. But, back it up with reality, ok?
*Update: Apparently he didn't hide or disable the account. Upon further inspection, the account he had originally messaged me from had been deleted by the admins. (Probably for harassing other users like he did me.) He opened a new account and used a very similar name. (Replacing the - between the words with an _ is subtle, but enough to fool the system.) Probably the first thing he did was look me up to harass me. Classy kid, that one.