One of the things I've always said about what it takes to really capture my attention is that a person has to be in my head. While I thought that was vague enough to be helpful without being a demand, it has come to my attention that perhaps, that's not insightful enough. What does it mean, exactly, to be in my head? Well, it's no Konami Code, but here's my best description.
What I mean by a person needs to be in my head to be in my skirt is that, well, I need to think about them. Sure, sounds simple doesn't it? But, that's just it! I tend to let so much just slide right off that it's tougher than it sounds. That, and when I say I need to think about a person, I'm not talking about having the kinds of thoughts that require a dimly lit corner and some "Me Time". Granted, it happens, but I need more than that.
What I mean is, I need to think about a person in the down time of my day. You know, in those spare, idle moments right in the middle of my mid-afternoon "Man I wish we lived in Spain so I could be napping right now" time. I want to be out shopping at some gadgety place like The Afternoon or my favorite bookstore and see something and think about how much the object of my affection would like that. I want to be wiling away the time in front of my laptop, browsing stumbleupon and find an article on a topic that we'd been discussing. I want to have the urge to fire off an email, furthering the conversation with a "Hey! Look what I found. Were't we just talking about this last week?".
I want to be able to use the entirety of my brain and personality with a person. I want to talk about the difference between a PET scan and an fMRI in one breath and talk dirty to you about what I want to do to you the next time I see you in the next. The thing is, in order for me to really let out either I have to be sure. To let the "Smarts" out, I have to know that you are either interested, or have the ability. To show the predatory side, I have to know not only that it's ok, but that you're interested. (Breaking that seal is the hardest part of being with someone new. Once I'm past that though, and know the interest is there, it's MUCH easier.) Call it past experience/conditioning. When you scare off men because you're too aggressive, libidinous, or kinky, you tend to learn from it and keep it under wraps.
Here's the thing; there's not a human alive that's seen all the aspects of my personality laid out in the same place, at the same time. That's not to say that I keep all of me secret. Sure, there are aspects that will never see the light of day. But, what I'm talking about is like this; one person will see A, D, and L. Another will see B, M, and Q. I'm hoping there's someone out there that wants to see and can handle A-Z. Not having to worry about what I do, say, or feel being repellent to a person will help me immensely when it comes to securing VIP space for a partner in my skull.
This is important to me, not only on an emotional level (trust is a big deal, as it should be. I don't have "issues" but I'm a cynic and a skeptic like that.) but an intimate level as well. My beloved science points out that the brain is the body's largest erogenous zone. If the mind is disengaged, the body has a hard time boarding the train to O town. Not that I don't enjoy it. Really. I get the same effects whether I climax or not. (For example, I'm a little more docile for a couple days, and my grins are dopier.) So, it's not like I'm going to turn it down. But, if a person can get into my head to the point where all the little nagging processes run for cover in the light of my desire, and I can keep 'em around for more than a couple months? Oh yeah. That's worth fighting for.
The first chapter in this How To Tutorial is here.