February 18, 2011

Wooing Ephemily, the Missing Manual

As recently as February, I've been called both a Rubik's Cube and a Tesla Coil.  So, it has gotten me thinking that I'm potentially a whole lot of fun, if not slightly dangerous and confusing.  That led me to the idea that maybe I need some instructions Ikea would approve of.  After chewing on the idea for a bit, researching trends, and preparing a pile of charts and graphs, I chucked it all and decided to shoot from the funny bone.

I do seem to have a type.  It took me a while to figure it out, but I do.  In lamenting with a friend of mine, she called me the geeky introvert's pin-up.  Granted, that's a title I'd put on a trophy and shine up on the weekends, but I wonder how well it's working for me.  Like a damn moth to a blowtorch, geeky gamer guys, transplants to the area, linguists (Yes, I've heard the joke.  No, it isn't funny anymore), creative types, and introverts seem to be the at the top of the list.  So, if you glow in the dark, are as plain as the nose on Cthulhu's face, have an English degree,  or are a crazy cat guy who "just moved to town", chances are I'll be hot for you right off the bat.

I chase men.  I do.  Seriously.  I can't remember the last time I was actually with someone who made the first "get to know you " move.  There are enough choices out there that, if you get a message from me, take a little bit of pride in the knowledge that I WANT to talk to you.  Not that I'm full of myself, but I don't use the shotgun effect and just send out a generic message to anyone with a pretty face or a wordy profile.

Yeah, I'm an NT personality.  ENTJ to be exact.  I'm also every inch a first decante Scorpio.  Ponder on that a moment.  Let it percolate.  I'm a complicated whirlwind of personality.  There's a reason why most times meeting someone will leave them with their head spinning.

However, if that leaves your head still facing me once the whirlwind is over, this is how you're going to keep my attention.

If I've met you on a dating site, I have this expectation going in that you're looking to meet someone to date.  If that's not the case, please tell me up front.  I can work with that.  Truths are only painful for a moment.

As a corollary, I date one at a time.  I had a Jewish Nanna growing up, and her parting gift to me was guilt.  You want to see other people too?  That's fine. Just tell me.  I need to know the ground rules.  Sure, it might kill some of the mystery and the magic, but my sanity is worth a little more in the long run.  Believe me, there's enough thrill, humor, hidden nuggets of awesome in my personality that this little bit won't be missed.

You might be curious how a rational person can still be emotional, and as such, seeks love.  Well, it's like this.  There's a phenomenon, mostly in underwater caves that were flooded with glacial icemelt, where the fresh water pools that were exposed to air are now completely covered with salt water.  However, due to some random sequence of events, (perhaps the pace at which the caverns flooded) the salt and fresh water didn't mix.  The lighter salt water rests on top of the denser fresh.

For this example, rational thinking is represented by the salt water.  Emotions are represented by the fresh.  Normally, when something small, such as a pebble or a bit of sediment, floats through the two layers, it passes through the rational thoughts and into emotion.  But, it's not enough to disturb the separation of the two layers.  I feel, but it isn't before rationalizing.  The fun begins when something large cannonballs through the two layers and mixes them together.  It's uncomfortable, and the best way I can describe it is as if my very marrow itches.

It takes a while for those two aspects of my personality to coalesce again back into their respective layers.  It happens at varying paces.  Usually, if it really shakes me up it takes between a week to 10 days  I can pull myself together in a matter of hours if it's relatively minor incident.  Until you know me really quite well, you won't see this happen.  I keep this to myself because I'm uncomfortable with fallibility and showing how helpless I can be.  I can tell you the facts, and that it happens because that doesn't make me vulnerable.  To show it is a completely different matter.

I don't really care what you do for a living.  Well, with a few exceptions.  If your nickname is knuckles and you work as a used furniture salesman in Chicago, I might be a little suspicious.  I don't care what you make.  I care that you like yourself for the right reasons, are a complete person, want to see yourself succeed in life, and have a place for me in it.

That said, I'm awfully resourceful, irritatingly independent, and recently described as cussedly stubborn.  I say that because it takes me a while to learn to lean on people, and that can seem standoffish.  It isn't the case.  My burdens are mine.  My intention is to share the good times and wait till I know that you're ready to shoulder my burdens with me to let down my hair.  It's a matter of respect, in my mind.  Not my being aloof.  Trust me, I want to be with someone.  It's the unclenching that which has been so controlled that's the challenge.  If you're serious about me, encourage me in this regard.  I probably won't do it quickly on my own.

Compliments on my looks are the junkfood of my dating diet.  Don't get me wrong, now and again I love me a good candy bar.  But, if you really want me to notice, prove to me that you think I'm smart.  Teach me something.  Debate me on a topic I'm passionate about and play devil's advocate.  That is the real meat I'm looking for.  I'm a carnivore, and I have very sharp teeth.

Speaking of, I do bite.  If this is a problem. Well.  Maybe it's best we stay platonic.

I suppose the long and the short of it is this.  I'm a pretty girl, who's a little plump.  I'm a complicated firecracker with the patience of a saint given all the rules, who cares more about my mind than my curves.  I need from a partner all the pages in their playbook.  I'll show you mine, if you show me yours.

A second Chapter in this How To Tutorial is here.

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