January 28, 2011

Roommates Are Better Than Husbands

In all of my 6 years of legal marriage, never did I have a partner.  I had a hairy roommate I could put on my health insurance plan.  Fast forward to post-divorce, current day.  I'm living in my house until it does what it's going to do; sells, or the bank and I have a discussion about where to leave the keys as I let the door hit me on the ass. 

I have a friend of mine who was in a living situation that was literally making him sick.  The stress of it was so much so that his stomach was constantly upset.  It was crowded, hostile, and unhealthy.  This is where I step in and offer a place to stay until it's time for me to move.  I have the space, we're complimentary personalities, and I can always use a little help keeping the place up.

So begins my living with a man that I'm not sleeping with for the first time in my life.  Tuthfully, if you want to know, this is only the third roomate I've ever had.  I'm used to having my own space.  There are fewer chances to step on toes that way.

So, here's what I find interesting.  We've been sharing the house for something like 3 weeks now.  We're not romantically involved.  There's no attraction there.  But, he's already been a better partner than my ex-husband ever was.  I know where he is if he's not home.  He cooks, does a fair share of the chores, and helps out with my dogs.  He's a friend when I need it just as I am to him.  Just this morning, I got a post-it note under my car keys wishing me happy Friday and telling me there was a Bing energy drink in the fridge for me.  He's right, he will make someone a fabulous wife one of these days.

What this teaches me is this.  Apparently, if this is friendship, my ex-husband wasn't ever even that much to me.  If we break it down to the elements, he was a paycheck, a strong back, and a pair of hands.  Interesting.

Being ever introspective, this makes me wonder about my other interpersonal relationships.  Are they lacking in depth?  Does this self-sufficiency make me blind to being used as it doesn't bog me down?  Do I give enough back to enough people?  Not that it's got me in a funk, but it does plant a few interesting thoughts in my head.  However, taking a page from the afterschool specials of my youth, the lesson learned is that I really didn't have a marriage.  I had a roommate with a legal contract.  My decision that it was time to cut bait was, indeed, the correct one.

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